Being afraid....

written on 06.11.2012

People say that when you get afraid is because something is happening, well is true i'm over-thinking. This feeling is caused by a past that it was good well more than awesome but it turned to be a nightmare at the end and left me loosing something i was not needing to lose(that happened while ago, now i'm trying that to not happen again).

Some people get afraid to species, stuff, people, situations (which is my case), feelings etc.. they are a lot of stuff that people get afraid of but on my case is losing, situations and that feeling of (you know) "starting again". 

When at the beginning or at the past something happens even if it had to happen you get that feeling of being afraid that it can happen again, when you look at that person and you think that the same way it happened with you that person can go and do the same with someone else even if it doesn't look like that, even if that person shows you the best of herself you just cannot stop thinking about it. Is not that you don't trust that person is just that you don't trust the ones around that person and as you can see, for you it looks like that person has turn off that self defense and that person looks so fragile for the other ones to make that person fall into what you don't want or you are trying to avoid. That's why i'm afraid to lose but i'm afraid not only to lose is just that i'm afraid to lose on the same way i won at the beginning. I know that life is not fair not everybody gets the same and if i got the chance to win one time i know i might lose at some point but that feeling of being afraid of losing someone is not just a feeling is a wound that will not heal in a long time.

i'm not losing no body right now, i'm just expressing that this feeling that i have to deal with it everyday is something that i know it can be controlled but it might also make me lose the control and might get me into the point of losing that person. but i'm not wiling to lose her it is something that you can not just give away, but in order for me to stop being afraid or scared is just something that the other person can make me stop of feeling, sometime people say that everything that happens to you can be controlled by yourself but that's not all. Other people can make you feel not afraid.

"If you trust somebody there is nothing to be afraid of" 

But you can trust that person and still be afraid of what can happen, even if is not the situation, Trust is something that you give but is better for you if that person can earn it from you. That feeling of getting afraid is not something that somebody will earn, it is different since it is something that you can feel it by just looking and start thinking and relating the past with the present to give you an untruly future. OK, is something that we don't know that can happen but it is something that we don't want to happen so that's why you get into that feeling.